though poetry does not need a disclaimer, i thought i'd mention my poetry is in chronological order (mostly) with the newest on top. i felt it too personal to actually date each poem, but theyre between 2001 and 2003... new ones coming soon... 3-5-04 3 new posted!

* simple * warmth * vulnerable * * alive * sick * That's Youth * * To Look Like Her * The Things I Hate * * You Get Your Wish * Let Me * * Suffocation * Deep Breaths * Had a Bad Dream * * The Moon was Beautiful * Don't let it be the Same * * Untitled *

simple by Clairebear a simple request from a complicated girl a love who expresses how i influence their world you don't understand me and i get the notion you wouldn't waste the energy and that's how I've left things complicated and lonely *Back to top* warmth by Clairebear ya know we're living in material world hey, i say fuck your material world that's why i'm constantly disgusted i'm scared i can't stop this hatred i'm scared sometimes there's no cure for the sadness and sometimes it gets hard to remember the warmth but i'm always stronger than i think and the darkness boils insides until it bursts to creativity and i often find i'm sorry for those who've lost this inner ability it helps me to honestly say i'm OK with the fact that you're warmth won't keep my nightmares away because i held your fire but i turned away won't give up ice cold that's not my style i only get frustrated that i haven't tried harder so i remember the warmth and how your fire made me smile and it helped fuel this desire to experience the warmth *Back to top* vulnerable by Clairebear tragically realizing newfound vulnerability pathetically undeniably remembering the intensity constantly craving passionate memories underestimating possibilities for true honesty in ectasy desiring new meanings instead of these routines screaming sensuality creativity abilities discovering experiencing strength in vulnerability *Back to top* alive by Clairebear i don't need snapshots to remember you're warmth and the way you always had the same smell and the feeling of comfort i always felt you're like my secret treasure in my mind... youre only mine its my twisted future world i cant ignore and why can't i be good enough for your reality? and why can't you call me baby? you make me feel alive in ways i can't describe i aspire to be more than i thought i could be because of what you are and what you've showed me and it is really scary this power you don't know you have over me and the one that now loves me in all the ways i thought i could want makes me happy... but not alive in ways i can't describe and you want another a different kind of girl with innocence so pure and i could never compare and i used to be pure enough for you and i used to make you feel alive too and why is it that i still crave you in ways i don't want to know anymore but my doubts run so high for the sweetness of you again in my life and is it wrong to simply say again you make me feel alive *Back to top* sick by Clairebear i think im sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve its brought me absolutely nothing but grief its funny how im always there the minute you need a single thing you stopped asking but i know what your words really mean im sick of trying im sick of lying im sick of being tired do you know that i still cry? do you know that my friendship is just a disguise? i fucking hate myself sometimes. and its been so very long since our last kiss goodbye since i held you so close since your hand last held mine and my heart screams as if the hurt will never fade im absolutely terrified this love wont go away i dont know how to turn it off ill just burn out one day and ill stop caring about love and what anyone else may say and i just keep on wishing you would look at me the same and its been so long past those sweet sweet days when i could predict exactly what youd say and im just so bad at describing this pain ive gotten so good at fakin this friendly face sometimes i think if i find the right words oh just the right words youll love me again tonight youll come back and say 'of course' the way i dream sometimes this connection cant just be me i cant be making it up i cant be this crazy and i cant help but wonder if you loved her more than me and now im just lost and forever wondering *Back to top* That's Youth by Clairebear antiflag is on 'that's youth' is what i hear you on my mind again it's just this music it's nothing i swear reminicing is what i live for pictures at a moment's reach don't you see? that's exciting to me. I ran across a rather perfect picture moments ago we were that young, once, remember when time was slow? can you close your eyes? and remember that time? that's what i live for it gives me butterflies. it's not just you, it's just the time, past crazy moments, in the craziness of life. does this explain me, a little bit better? to know that butterflies, is what I live for? and i guess that's youth. *Back to top* Prince Charming by Clairebear I loved you I can't believe it what's left to say? you simply broke my heart and still teased me the next day I won't speak my mind I learned from last time I'll crawl under that rock til you don't scare me anymore under that rock, who knows what's in store? maybe another scared soul will be hiding too... my prince charming tell me the truth are you waiting there? with something new? take me away from those sticks and stones stay by my side I just feel alone. Impossible to bare, one more hurtful word, from the beautiful boy, with his beautiful eyes. roll this rock away, prince charming can fly, away from the hurt, away into the night prince charming will fly, me by his side. *Back to top* To Look Like Her by Clairebear and I can't sleep because my expression is so important to me and who am I trying to impress? with my words and thoughts I stress? and who cares if I cut my own hair? I wanted it choppy, and I know you liked it longer, but its not you I'm trying to impress but who? and I don't want, to look like her life's too short to look like her the blonde beach barbie on every corner I swear so why be her? I don't understand her and I can't sleep because this is more important to me to know I'm not her to know what's unique to understand... they're mostly sheep the blonde barbie sheep huddling in the streets ahhh... rush week. *Back to top* The Things I Hate by Clairebear I hate being around you, I hate pretending like I don't care I hate the fact I miss you so much but nothing's ever fair I hate myself for reminicing all those days it was 'you and me' I hate looking at your eyes... ... beautiful and green I hate wondering why... ... I'm not as good as them I hate crying over you and losing a close friend I hate the way you went... ... and decided to throw me away... ... like taking out the trash... ... on another average day I hate how you can forget me... ... and how far our friendship's come I hate how you don't care about... everything we've done I hate the fact that I went... ... so far out of the way I hate myself for loving you... ... all those countless days I hate the fact I miss you and thoughts of you take up my mind I hate that I can't convince myself... ... you're really not worth the time I hate every small comment You tore my self-esteem apart I'm not sure what you wanted... ... but it never was my heart I hate myself for hoping... ... our friendship will be strong again I hate the fact I can't realize this might be the end. *Back to top* You Get Your Wish by Clairebear You used to make me smile You made me feel so good Hey, you turned into HIM Ha, I never thought you would Selfish and arrogant now Hypocritical and mean All I did was love you... and you turn your back on me? What kind of friend... do you really think you've been? You don't want friendship?... then you do?... then you take it back again? You used to make me smile Now all you do is make me cry But no more tears, you get your wish I don't need you in my life *Back to top* Let Me by Clairebear Let me love you, Let me keep you, Let me make you happy, Let me keep you warm, Let me make you smile, Let me do it all. Let me understand, Let me inside, Let me wipe your tears, Let me watch you cry, Let me get you... ...anything you need. I can do it all... ...this is my desperate plea, ... let me love you. *Back to top* Suffocation by Clairebear Have you ever had that feeling?...suffocation. Your head is spinning... You try so hard to breathe... but fail at every gasp. Like someone took a swift punch ... right to your stomach, Or you cant seem to reach the top... of some freezing body of water. Or someone has hurt you so badly... And something just makes you so sad... That you just cant seem to make yourself take those necessary breaths. Then only tears seem to come out... Replacing the words youre trying to say, And only sobs replace the thoughts... You’re trying to get across. And it only gets worse... Because you realize... you haven’t gotten any farther, you’re still exactly where you started. Just now you’re a horrible mess.. of suffocation and sobbing... emptiness. Alone with your thoughts... ...your memories, your analyzing... And then you almost scream, ...the next realization... you’re even worse off then when you started... Because you had happiness... those moments of perfection, you once shared that connection... ...passion...ecstasy... But you let it slip Right through your fingers... And not only are you alone again, You’re left with the memories... of friendship so true... and lost love you failed... you’ve lost it all ...And you can’t breathe... You just... suffocate. *Back to top* Deep Breaths by Clairebear can't sleep too many tears, too many fears don't know where to go, don't know what to think, I miss him, he can't see me I have to convince myself, It's fading quickly... I'm not strong enough, just want to go home, too stubborn to go, I won't succumb. I can pretend, and keep it to myself, Don't let him see... no one can feel pity. I can do it on my own... ... deep breaths. *Back to top* Had a Bad Dream by Clairebear Had a bad dream, woke up in tears, depression from the cruel reality sinking in, He's not here, no more love no more passion, no more connection, Had a bad dream, and he was there, Crawling into bed, softly waking me up wanting a kiss... needing it more... ... then he's ever needed anything before, tears of apology and love, sweet reunion... ...bittersweet tears of happiness and depression... ...as i awoke... Emotionally drained... for along time to come... more bad dreams. *Back to top* The Moon was Beautiful by Clairebear wearing his sweatshirt, she left with a hug, tears already flowing, he didn’t care, "are you ok?" they asked, the ride filled with strangers, "sure" she managed. all alone, no where to cry, she has one room, half a room, the claustrophobic cell, with a stranger always near, no friends except them... the guys... his friends. love lost, pushed away his wall back up, so confused, surrounded by unfamiliarity, but the moon was beautiful. *Back to top* Don't let it be the Same by Clairebear Remember the last time? When no one cared? When my tears annoyed them… And they hated to hear, The some old story Of a relationship in ruins… My whole world collapsed No one cared to understand. Don’t let it be the same, Don’t tell anyone this time, Keep it inside, This story is just mine. No one wants to hear my depressing cries, No one cares why he left me this time. Remember the last time? I wrote all my poems? That he didn’t care to read?… Or understand?… Or bother to see… Me standing around all alone… Crying uncontrollably, Without him to hold? Don’t let it be the same, Don’t let him know this time, Keep it inside, This story is just mine. He doesn't want to hear my depressing cries, He doesn't care I'm alone this time. Remember when I said… This one is different from the rest… He’ll never hurt me… Because he’s my friend for life… He’ll love me more, then anyone could… Well now your hurting… And he stopped loving… Don’t let it be the same, Try not to cry this time, Keep it all inside, This story is just mine. No one wants to hear the depressing cries, No one cares why he left me this time. This time around… I won’t let anyone see, Me crying or hurting uncontrollably, I’ll tell them I’m just fine, It’s not a big deal, I’ll tell him it’s all right… I’m already healed. I won’t let it be the same, I won’t let anyone know this time, I’ll keep it all inside, This heartache is just mine. No one wants to hear my depressing cries, No one cares why he stopped loving me this time. *Back to top* Untitled by Clairebear So what do I do... When you’re always there? Every minute, You don’t know it, Or do you? But in every thought, And each action... As I listen to your music, And try so hard, To be close to you, I think of the right words, The right way to act, The right way to be, To be the girl you would want... again. But I get nothing in return, And I feel lost. What can I do now? Why can’t it work? Why can’t you like me...for me...? Why did I take you for granted… ...last year... is all I can think about. Just wanting to see you… Train rides and Econ Classes... Online for hours... Never wanting to leave... Now it’s all gone... And friends we remain... Just friends... ... forever?... or for now? *Back to top*